The ‘S’ on My Chest Now Stands for Surrender
I haven’t written here since April 2025. When my father had open-heart surgery, life felt heavy, and I put writing — and honestly, a lot of Bern & Jack — on the back burner. He's doing better now, and I thank God every day for his continued healing.
During this time, I’ve learned a lot about control, rest, and surrender. Coming back to writing now, surrender feels like the right topic. As I share my thoughts, I’ll include some simple practices that have helped me let go in daily life. I hope these ideas encourage you and offer practical ways to bring more trust and ease into your own journey.
So many of us walk through life with an invisible S on our chests.
Superwoman. Superman. We try to handle everything, fix every problem, support others, and keep moving forward, even when we’re tired.
While meditating today, I felt Spirit remind me of another word that starts with the letter S.
What if the S no longer stood for super?
What if it stood for surrender?
Surrender isn’t about giving up control or avoiding responsibility. It means trusting, doing what we can, and letting go of what we can’t control.
Paralyzed by Questions
I wrote in my journal today:
It is easy to become paralyzed by the “what ifs,” “should I’s,” and “how do I’s” of life.
I spent nearly a whole day worrying about things I couldn’t change. At the same time, I felt frustrated because so many parts of my life seemed out of order.
What if something goes wrong? What should I do next? How am I going to fix all of this?
The questions kept going around in my mind, but they didn’t help. Instead, they made me feel more afraid, frustrated, and critical of myself.
Worry can make us feel like we’re working on a problem, but often we’re just replaying it in our minds.
When we keep focusing on fear, uncertainty, and what might go wrong, we bring low-level energy into our thoughts, bodies, and choices.
One anxious thought leads to the next. Fear makes our bodies tense, which makes it harder to think clearly. We might pull back, put things off, overreact, make quick decisions, or even make things worse.
It turns into a spiral. We might start with one real concern and end up questioning everything about our lives.
Surrender interrupts that spiral.
Surrender doesn’t mean ignoring the problem. It means we stop giving it all of our emotional, mental, and spiritual energy.
The Lesson of the Birds
Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t plant, harvest, or store food in barns, but God still provides for them.
Matthew 6:26I keep coming back to that image. A bird doesn’t skip a season out of worry, and it isn’t any less provided for because it never built a barn. Even though this lesson comes from Christ, I believe its message is for everyone. Whatever we believe, most of us can recognize something in nature that trusts more easily than we do—a bird, a tide, a seed that has no idea how it’s going to become a tree and grows anyway. Nature is not anxious about its own unfolding, and I think that’s the invitation here.
This teaching reminds us that if God cares for the birds, we can trust that we are seen and supported too.
Yet living in that trust can be difficult.
We pray and continue worrying. We ask for guidance and then mentally rehearse every possible outcome. We say we surrender, but still hold on tightly, as if everything depends on us alone.
Sometimes the answer isn’t missing. Sometimes fear just gets so loud that we can’t hear it.
I Already Understand Surrender at Work
In my professional life as a data architect, I often solve complicated problems.
Sometimes research, analysis, and focus help me find the answer. Other times, thinking harder just doesn’t work.
When that happens, I step away. I look out the window, go for a walk, or focus on something different. Sometimes I just sit quietly and do nothing.
Then, almost like magic, the solution appears.
I trust this process at work. But in my personal life, I don’t always give myself that same space.
Instead of stepping away, I sometimes sit with the problem. I analyze, worry, and question myself, trying to find the perfect answer.
Today, God reminded me that this same principle applies to my personal life too.
Many problems in my life have been solved when I stopped forcing an answer and let Spirit lead.
Returning to Myself
As I get older, I understand more how someone can get stuck in a rut and feel unable to get out.
I think about my mother with greater compassion now.
When we carry fear, grief, disappointment, and responsibility for a long time, it can be hard to get back up. We might know we need to change, but still struggle to find the energy or clarity to start.
Thinking of her is what finally moved me. I didn’t want to still be carrying today’s weight the way she carried hers for so many years, so today, instead of continuing to sit in worry, I went outside.
I stood barefoot in the grass and let the sun warm my skin. There’s something about the ground under bare feet that argues with worry—you can’t fully spiral while you’re feeling grass between your toes. I watered the garden and put my hands in the dirt. On other days, surrender looks smaller than that: a few slow breaths at my desk, worries written down before bed, a cup of tea I actually pay attention to instead of drinking on autopilot.
I did not suddenly have every answer. But I knew I needed to change my energy.
I needed to come back to my body, my breath, the earth, and Spirit.
Sometimes surrender begins that.
We stop. We breathe. We step outside. We move our bodies. We remind ourselves that we don’t have to fix everything right away.
A New Meaning for Strength
Surrender isn’t about being passive. It’s about knowing what needs our action and what needs our trust.
It says:
I will do what is mine to do. I will take the next responsible step. I will ask for help when I need it. I will listen for guidance. And I will stop punishing myself for what I cannot control today.
Maybe strength isn’t about carrying everything forever.
Maybe strength is knowing when to put something down.
Maybe it’s meant to remind us to surrender.
Three questions, asked often—at the start or end of your day.
- What am I worrying about that I cannot change right now?
- What is one action that is mine to take?
- What am I willing to surrender?
By making space for honest reflection, we can gently notice our growth and let the practice of surrender take root in our daily lives.
Today, the S on my chest does not stand for Superwoman.
It stands for surrender.